He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
