Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
