guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
