not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
