I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
