Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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