I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
