If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Come share oat with me in your robe
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize