she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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