Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
