he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
