I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Randomize
