I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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