I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
