I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
