So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Sext me about skeletons
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
