and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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