Pregnant stripper...not hot.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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