it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
