Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
