So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
