we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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