i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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