there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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