five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My pussy is not your playground.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
