The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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