Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize