I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
