Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
