Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
