Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
