I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
