this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
