you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
