Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
