he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
vagina is talking i cant
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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