dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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