bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
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