Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
