dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She said her name was "party"
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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