Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
