She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
