nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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