I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
