my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
