you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
