we have officially lost it.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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