Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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