Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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