Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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