I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
