if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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