i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
