It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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