Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The adults are the big ones right?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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