Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Randomize
