I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize