Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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