He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
