i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
