I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
