I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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