my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
