I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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