I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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