I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He shit in the fireplace
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
