Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
