The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
